Ephesians 3:14-19

God really spoke to me through this passage tonight. I don't normally post Scriptures in the Message, but God used it tonight.

"My response is to get down on my knees before the Father, this magnificent Father who parcels out all heaven and earth. I ask him to strengthen you by his Spirit--not a brute strength but a glorious inner strength--that Christ will live in you as you open the door and invite him in. And I ask him that with both feet firmly planted on love, you'll be able to take in with all followers of Jesus the extravagant dimensions of Christ's love. Reach out and experience the breadth! Test its length! Plumb the depths! Rise to the heights! Live full lives, full in the fullness of God." (Ephesians 3:14-19 The Message)

Wow, what an awesome passage. This is my prayer for me right now.

Why is it that everything about faith tends to turn into an intellectual pursuit for me? What will it take for me to let go of that?

My Statement of Faith Part 1

I believe that the Bible, which is composed of the 66 books of the Old and New Testaments, and every word and concept contained within is inspired by God. I believe that the Bible should always be interpreted literally, using the grammatical-historical method of interpretation. This method does the most justice to what Scripture actually says, and allows the interpreter to draw applications from the Scripture based on what it says. (2 Tim. 3:16-17; 2 Peter 1:21)

Pondering

So, I'm sitting at a bar in Huron making sure that two friends who want to get drunk tonight don't do anything stupid. Until recently, I enjoyed coming to the bar with them and drinking, but, after much pondering I realize just how much of a waste of time it is. Maybe its just because God is working in my life.

Me Part 5

So, I've admitted my rejection by my father and my mother's overprotectiveness, and how they've had an effect on who I am, been humble enough to admit I've sought counseling to deal with my issues, and admitted that I believe that one can be saved without necessarily having Jesus as the Lord of one's life.
The first step to get my life on track is to give up on trying to be my own Lord and allow Jesus to sit on the throne of my heart, to run my life, to drive me in the directions he would have me go. To transform me from working for him to him working through me.
To deal with my father's rejection and my mother's overprotectiveness and what it has caused, I need to turn to Jesus, and take Jesus to that place so he can show me that I am a man. So that he can deal with that wound in my life, so he can heal it. But, as you probably have guessed, I've built a false identity to cover that wound, and part of healing the wound would be God dealing a fatal blow to that false identity, and then helping my true identity to come forth. So, healing will be painful. But it is necessary. This is my second step.
I feel like being honest is going to help me move forward.

Me Part 4

I used to believe that you couldn't be saved unless Jesus was both your Savior and your Lord. But, in my own personal life, I see something very different. I am saved. I know I am saved. I have assurance of that salvation and security in that salvation, but, Jesus has not always been my Lord. Though Christ has always been a part of my life, I haven't let him be the controlling factor of my life. I have tried to work for him, instead of allowing him to work through me.

This is why I don't have a clear picture of what my call is, or whether I've ever even had a call experience. I have been working in ministry so long, that pursuing it just seemed...logical. Notice here, that its been about my wants, and my desires. I get mad at my pastor, so I suddenly feel that God has called me to another church. I am a part of a lot of ministries in the church, so I must be called to ministry.

The truth is, I haven't really cared about God's plan for my life...until recently. I'm trying to seek out how God wants to work through me. I don't have the answer yet, but I will keep you posted.

Me Part 3

I have often looked to others for validation of my own masculinity, and that is unhealthy. I have played silly games to find this validation, tried to get people to do crazy things to find this validation (under the guise of "stress relief") and given no thought whatsoever to what lies behind it until now. My dad wasn't really good at validating my masculinity when I was growing up. In fact, he sucked at it, because he made me feel like less of a man because I would rather read a book than watch sports, or try to find a solution to the bully that didn't require, to quote my dad, "kicking his ass." So, my dad's lack of validating me created a wound. Couple that with my extremely overprotective mother, and its been a road to disaster. I am the way I am because of this combination.

Looking at myself, I see that I doubt my manhood, I have a tendency to take this doubt out on other men when they screw up by simply unloading on them with both barrels. Most of the time, I am rather passive-aggressive, quietly doing things to hurt myself and others without ever dealing with the problem. As I mentioned last night, I have trouble making decisions, and I doubt whether I'm good enough, or strong enough, or can win the fight for the girl. But, how to get passed these roadblocks? That's kind of where I'm at now.